But I felt I couldn't.
I feel like such a failure, and my grandparents are the only ones who have ever been proud of me.
I want to be something they can be proud of. I don't want them to see me like this.
And my nana called me.
And asked why I wasn't coming.
And I burst into tears.
And she said I could always call her.
And that she loves me and wishes she could see me.
And after she hung up I sat in the middle of my living room and sobbed.
I wish I could be the person they deserve.
Why can't I change myself?
Why does it have to be so difficult?
Why can't I even explain to my mother how I feel?
Why do I go from giggling madly and smiling like a dork one minute and hysterical tears the next?
Why am I even posting this?
I don't want sympathy. I don't want worry. I don't want to be a bother.
I just want..
To be someone deserving of all the beauty I have in my life.
I'm so, so fucking pathetic.
PS: Everyone on my FL must hate me for my rabid updating.
So I ask you a question, oh mightiful and much loved ones.
Think I may be bipolar? :/