xemoxomegax (xemoxomegax) wrote,

My mumma said I had to go to my nanas.

But I felt I couldn't.

I feel like such a failure, and my grandparents are the only ones who have ever been proud of me.

I want to be something they can be proud of. I don't want them to see me like this.

And my nana called me.

And asked why I wasn't coming.

And I burst into tears.

And she said I could always call her.

And that she loves me and wishes she could see me.

And after she hung up I sat in the middle of my living room and sobbed.

I wish I could be the person they deserve.

Why can't I change myself?

Why does it have to be so difficult?

Why can't I even explain to my mother how I feel?

Why do I go from giggling madly and smiling like a dork one minute and hysterical tears the next?

Why am I even posting this?

I don't want sympathy. I don't want worry. I don't want to be a bother.

I just want..

To be someone deserving of all the beauty I have in my life.

I'm so, so fucking pathetic.

PS: Everyone on my FL must hate me for my rabid updating.

So I ask you a question, oh mightiful and much loved ones.

Think I may be bipolar? :/
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